Isn't it Funny?

I can’t believe where we are today. And what we have been through together. Every last minute spent with you, is a minute I will remember forever.
I met you my sophomore year of high school, it was biology with Mrs. Rhodes. Heh, we both hated it. The teacher didn’t know what she was getting herself into when she sat the two of us next to each other. But then again, did we know at the time what a beautiful friendship, and what a pure love that would develop from it. I don’t think so. You couldn’t plan anything as amazing as what we became.
Your girlfriend at the time really didn’t like me. I know. I think it’s because you were here, with me, and she was so far away. I mean come on, how far away is Reno? I’m not sure, but I know its a few states that way... or something. I remember it so very well, I would always come over to your house after school, and we would go on adventures in the fields and woods behind your house. HA, that hunters shed where we found that “doe in estrus” and you thought it was hand lotion. Then once you figured out what it was you chased me down to try and wipe it off on me. You didn’t though; you wiped it in the grass. We laughed all the time when we were together. I love you laugh, and your smile. Even when I am having the worst day, you can always cheer me up, especially when you wore your menagerie of different winter hats. You have all different kinds; ones with the yarn that hang down on your face are your favorite.
I remember when I found out that you were moving back to Reno, to graduate and be with your girlfriend. I cried so hard, you cried a bit too. We spent almost every moment together up until the day that you left, to be out of my life forever. Imagine the surprise when two years later you messaged me on Facebook to tell me “I’m moving back to Michigan”. That was when I knew, I knew we were meant to be. My heart fluttered and danced in ecstasy at the knowing of your impending arrival. I had missed you so very much. And now, you’re coming back, my very best friend.
We had a lot to talk about when you got back. I remember the first time, we went on a date, you never called it that, but if you look in the description of “date” that day was spilled out in the meaning.
You drove over to my house in the middle of the summer, and we went to the beach. We slathered ourselves in sunscreen and took the plunge. The water was cool, but not frigid, which was very nice. Then as we waded deeper and deeper, I remember you asking me if I had ever had an “Under-Water Tea Party”. Of course I hadn’t, so we had one. We sank to the bottom, attempted to cross our legs, and pretended to hold tea cups and clink them together. Of course we just started giggling and had to go back to the surface for air. The deeper water was pretty chilly, and my teeth were chattering a bit. You came up behind me and wrapped your arms around me and pulled me in close. I felt so safe and warm. You whispered something into my ear, and I know it made me smile and warmed my heart.
After leaving the beach we went back to my house and I cooked lunch, you kept telling me how great it was. And that made me feel really good, because you know how self-conscious I am about cooking (First attempt at cooking I burnt mac & cheese.) Then you left.
Not twenty minutes later, you called and said you missed me and wanted me to come over. I probably flew to your house. I remember we went to see a movie, Horrible Bosses, honestly I can’t even remember what the movie was about. I was too busy soaking up your presence and holding your hand.
Afterwards we weren’t quite ready to call it a night, so we drove to a playground I knew about. It was late enough I knew nobody would be there. We played around for a while, believe it or not big kids still enjoy playing on playgrounds. Then when that got old, we laid on the metal slide and talked. He told me him and his girlfriend weren’t in love anymore, and when he had gotten back to Reno, she told him that she had cheated on him with his best friend, and she like the friend a lot better. So he had begun drinking a lot and doing all sorts of drugs. He began apologizing to me, because he was such a different person than the one who had left me two short years earlier. And he was sorry if he had disappointed me in any way. I remember I hugged him, and told him how sorry I was, and that I wasn’t disappointed in him, not even a little bit. He then asked me a question.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes” I said.

My very first kiss, from my very best friend, the man I love. I knew from that moment on, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I love him, all of him. Problems and all, I accepted him.
I wish I could tell you we are together; I wish I could say he loves me too. I so long to say he is waiting for me right this second, and as soon as I finish typing I will start a pillow fight with him which would end in us falling asleep in each other’s arms.
But I can’t.
About two years after this wonderful day. He tells me over a text message that he can’t stand to hurt me anymore because he is so in and out of my life all the time. I tell him I don’t mind, because I love him. He tells me to smile and be happy, because that’s all he ever wanted. I asked him what he was talking about. He says he is sorry for leading me on and never intended to hurt me. That I’ll find someone that is the best, because I deserve that. And he knows he isn’t it. Then he told me goodbye, and left my life, for good.
I still wonder to this day if he ever actually meant it when he would tell me,
“I love you.”
I sometimes sit and think to myself, after everything, this huge, six year, vicious circle.
Isn’t it funny?